Bittersweet Beginnings (word vomit)

Leaving never gets easier. Over the last six years, I've moved away from home multiple times, gaining invaluable experiences. Each time, I cry, my mom cries, my grandma cries and my craving for Hawaii grows. Tonight, I leave for LA, embarking on another adventure working as a Social Intern at Part IV in Downtown Los Angeles - and yet again, it's a rough transition between here and the mainland.

The last few days – okay really more like weeks – have been full of anxiety. I don't think it's been this bad with me moving before. I haven't been able to text people back (sorry friends!) and I struggled with my communication with literally everyone. It was tough. I tried to spend a lot of time at home and I tried to eat everything; Well, the stress eating fueled my hunger as well, but I probably won't get a chance to eat all these foods for a while anyways.

Packing with a whole ordeal. If you know me, you know I don't really know how to travel light. Four checked-in luggages, two HUGE carry-ons (actually four cause two me and two for my dad) and some butter mochi for snacks. This took pretty much all week to do. In the end, it was really my mom who packed for me because she's the best at organization and getting the most out of space. I've packed myself before and she ends up re-doing the whole thing; I've learned from past experiences to just do it with her and let her take charge.

As we were getting ready to leave the house today, I went through each room and took a moment. Cheesy, I know, but I've done that each time. I took a shower and actually started sobbing from anxiety. It was a day. And then after we left, we went to each of my grandparents' homes to say bye. Both hard, both had tears and I could see my mom's eyes full of water each time.

On the way to the airport, we decided to drive through Waikiki one last time and stop at Rainbows for some food. YUM. As we were driving on the Ala Wai, "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus started playing and I started to cry. How fucking fitting. So crazy how the universe works sometimes and sends you messages.

Anyways, as we went to pick Zach up, I started to have a full blown anxiety attack in the car - couldn't breathe, was sobbing, felt nauseous and actually had a barf bag with me. I kept breathing all the way to the airport and even then I couldn't stop; saying bye to my Mom and Zach was hard - Zach even hugged me bye! It was bittersweet since this time, I don't really know when I'll be back home. But I know this new adventure is calling me and is where I need to be.

Growing up in Hawaii is a weird thing. You love it, but you also want to leave it constantly. I've always struggled with that. This bittersweet feeling of knowing that opportunity and adventure awaits you elsewhere, while your family, friends and comfort are left behind, is this difficult feeling to fully grasp. I'm comforted to know that home will always be there. And that home will always be Hawaii.

I'll be home again. I'll always come back. See ya soon, Hawaii.