I've been sitting on this letter / sort-of-poem for a few weeks. I wrote it after one of the multiple times that I felt uncomfortable while walking home from work. Some days I brush it off and other times I'm so bothered by the disgusting behavior. Most recently, I was grocery shopping and when I walked home, this weirdo on a bike stopped right in front of me and looked at me like I owed him something RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY BUILDING. It was the first time I was approached like that by a creep on the street and hurried into my building as quick as I could. I was shaken. And scared.
It's like every day I'm harassed in some form, but the normalcy of it has turned it into an expected part of my day. This is true for so many.
But the reason why I was so afraid to write this was because I was scared of the potential flack and criticism. Why? Because it sounds like this is just a dig at disrespectful men. I know that men can be harassed as well and that this is not a singular experience for women, but it can be scary to write something so vulnerable and critical, even though it's all from my perspective. Maybe this is just my anxiety talking? I don't know.
I've definitely toughened up since being in LA and feel much more independent. Walking constantly and living in a bustling city presents factors and interactions that I didn't have back home in Hawaii - and sadly this includes the below.
Thanks for reading.
Dear Men-Who-Lack-Respect
Do you really think that whistling at me while I'm walking down the street will grab my attention? Or saying "hi let's smash" as I walk by will make me want to talk to you more?
Do you think I can't feel the stares as I clutch my bag tighter and question whether the clothes I put on are the reason for this unwanted attention? When it's blisteringly hot outside, I shouldn't have to question if putting on a sweater would be a better option just so that I don't have to deal with the objectification and judgement of wearing something less.
There's not a day that's gone by where I haven't been cat-called while simply walking to or from work. It doesn't matter what I wear or the fact that I'm beelining it down the street; I haven't felt comfortable because I know what will happen en route.
And let's be real: It doesn't matter how I'm dressed - I've tested this - I still get the disgusting comments, disrespectful stares and unwanted attention. I can't even go to the grocery store (in pajamas!) and not get harassed in some way.
I feel scared being alone sometimes. And then I think about how much worse it could be and how much worse it probably is for some women in other areas. And then I think "well at least no one's crossed the line and touched me," but that just justifies the cat-calling, whistling and gross comments. And it's not something that I ever want to justify.
This is why girls like to go places in groups. This is why girls sometimes question what they want to wear. This is why girls who ignore this disgusting behavior get labeled as "stuck up."
This is another thing that feeds my anxiety. This is such unacceptable behavior.
I don't really have any solutions that haven't already been tried, but I know that I'm sick of feeling this way - I'm sick of being afraid of walking to the grocery store or to work or anywhere by myself. I'm sick of questioning what I want to wear or placing blame on my body. I'm sick of this terrible lack of respect.
Sincerely,
A Girl-Who-Is-Over-This-Bullshit